Ice

I am giving up on ice, and all things slippery. Unlike a cat, I have neither pads nor claws to increase traction when walking. My current situation is not my first slip-related injury. In fact, just about every injury I have ever suffered was a direct result of a slippery surface. The first time I went ice-skating, 16 years ago, was the only time in my life I have done a split, which is why I went so long without ice-skating again. Last ski season, when I hit a large patch of ice, I had a big fall, and ended up finishing the race on one ski. In the 15-year history of my rowing team, I am the only rower who has ever broken a bone at practice. How did I do it? I slipped.

From now on, my water will not have ice in it. I will no longer use Pam, olive oil, butter, or even Teflon coated pans. I will cook all my food in a cast-iron skillet, which I will clean with a Bowie knife.